


This is You

by senaxeth



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ???? - Freeform, Angst, Guilt, Harm, Hurt No Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Loss, M/M, Mild Blood, Mildly Dubious Consent, Obsessive Behavior, Oikawa Tooru is Bad at Feelings, Punishment, Shaving, blade - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senaxeth/pseuds/senaxeth
Summary: Hinata experienced the biggest regret of his life and Oikawa is there, waiting for Hinata to tear himself down so he could repair him and break him down again.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	This is You

**Author's Note:**

> Thank for my friend for the prompt:
> 
> Angst. 
> 
> Guy lost the game that was super important to make their team go into nationals. Then, he cried haha. And then the next day, he shaved his head to punish himself because they lost the game.
> 
> ** I don't actually know what happened and wrote this in on go so if there are inconsistencies or any errors, please be lenient and ignore them. Thanks! **

HInata Shouyo stared silently at his reflection. The smooth surface of the mirror fogging up from the cold rain pouring hard outside. His head turning to the muted sounds of raindrops falling on the bathroom window, it feels like he is still in a dream, a very bad one.

Shouyo’s eyes dulled at the memories resurfacing inside his mind. He shakes his head hard. The sound that escaped his lips reverberate inside the bathroom piercing his ears in a seemingly endless torture. Then, as if he was a man trying to escape the underwater, he remembered to breathe. His mouth parted and his face pale as the fog on the mirror. 

The immense feeling that overcomes his heart keeps on twisting and twisting his insides until he can’t take it anymore. He felt like the smallest existence in the world. Like maybe, his bullies in middle school were right all along. That his worth is just as little as his height. The only thing keeping him taller is his wild and upright hair.

A lifeless laugh forced its way out inside his chest. The emptiness of experiencing his biggest loss makes him think of anything. He may have failed in the past but this one, the most important part of his life at the moment, fucked up by his misjudgment, all but ruining his teammates’ hopes and dreams.

He curled his hand around his knees. The cold, cold tiles that he is sitting on makes his already cold skin crawl, goosebumps littered his body but he paid it no mind. It still wasn’t enough of a punishment for his failure. The tears this time didn’t want to be contained any longer so he let go.

He let it all out, his heart is crying for forgiveness. But deep inside his very being, he knows he can’t be forgiven and the thoughts just won’t go away so he screamed and screamed until his throat hurts. Until it can’t utter any more pleas for exempting his wrongdoings to everyone he cared about.

* * *

Oikawa hesitated outside Chibi-chan’s apartment. His heart steeled at such emotions but he still wanted to do something for Shouyo, who became his sunshine when he was crawling in an endless maze inside the darkness of his own mind. He felt his leg twinge at the reminder of what could have been. He ignored it again this time. He was getting better at that.

The anguish sounds were not stopping any time soon. He can feel his blood heat up and he doesn’t know why. His almost obsession like fascination with the younger man makes his best friend send him warning looks. That maybe it will stop his impulsive actions or darker intentions. Oikawa will never know because he has grown further apart from Iwaizumi since that incident. His fake smiles around the guy never fooled him. And it never fooled Hinata Shouyo. The bright and lovely aura of Shouyo makes anyone believe that he is naïve but Oikawa knew differently. Because despite the smiles and joy the orange haired portrayed, he and Oikawa will always be the same. 

And that makes Oikawa’s guts feel like being smashed around. He wants to crush the cause of it but he also doesn't want to let it end. He is conflicted from his feelings and that’s why he slowly opened Shouyo’s apartment. 

When he finally closed the door, it made a noise that was drowned out by the little guy's sounds. Oikawa’s heart started beating fast and he doesn’t know why. The anticipation of what he will discover inside himself lies on the other side of the door, where his new fascination is pouring his heart out. The heart wrenching cries were supposed to make him empathize, because he himself experienced it, but no. The excitement that he can feel coursing through his body says otherwise.

Oikawa’s eyes widen at the disheveled state of Shouyo’s person. His hair in disarray, his clothes crumpled, his legs colored in forming bruises. He was quite more than the picture that even Oikawa's deepest dreams could have ever conjured. Oikawa was like a fish under the hottest waters of the ocean. He was hooked.

The pain in Shouyo's eyes was making him want to hurt something so he tried his best to hold it in. his nails digging the inside of his palms, almost drawing blood. He held it in together. He needed control. He tried to count to three then exhale.

But that breath stuttered when Shouyo’s rough voice travelled to his ears. The pleading started. And Oikawa is not one to deny his sunshine nor is he a saint. Either way, Shouyo was pleased by his presence. Although the cries were a contradiction, he ignored it in favor of following the smaller boy’s demands.

“G-grand king” Hearing the title from Shouyo’s mouth feels so pleasant. Like a thrill he can experience only inside the court. It made him feel powerful looking down at the kneeling and sniveling boy on his feet, clawing at his trousers, willing Oikawa Tooru to _please oh please grand king punish me_.

Oikawa knelt in front of him and held his face wet with tears, he descended his lips to the smaller boy’s and it felt electrifying. His hunger needs to be fed and he will take what he can get. The little orange boy did not protest, as if accepting Oikawa’s actions as his punishment.

* * *

Hinata Shouyo felt exhausted and empty but his body won’t listen to him any longer as if the Grand King already has a hold of his strings. He almost forgot his sins but then the older boy would remind him with tortuous touches and pleasant kisses that made him beg for more but Oikawa knew what he really wanted. He wanted to be punished. He wanted to be reminded of his sins. He is on the edge every time and Oikawa won’t release him, won’t let him release. Because at that point, what’s the difference between those words?

The only thing that mattered at that time is how could the Grand King make him feel wanting and resentment at the same time. It feels good but it doesn’t. And Shouyo thinks he can become addicted to it, may have already been addicted to it just from their very first dance.

He felt wrong but Shouyo felt right at feeling so wrong. 

The glint on the Grand King’s eyes made him shiver and his exhausted body was confused whether from the cold or from the sinister aura that the larger boy made him feel. 

He stood up and got something from the cabinet. Rummaging the contents before he found what he was looking for. The triumphant smile that the Grand King sent his way created a distraction for the object on his hands to go unnoticed.

The strokes that the Grand King bestowed him makes his brain mushy and his lower body achingly hard. He twists and turns and curls around the larger boy’s body until he is in a position where his back is leaned on the Grand King’s chest and his lithe body bent in a flexible way as the older boy bent forward, his head directly at the tip of his member.

The Grand King held it in his hands but no other actions followed. Hinata whimpered in distress at being denied but he endured it. He opened his eyes suddenly when he could feel a cold metal touch his skin.

Shouyo’s eyes were horrified but if it was possible, he became harder on Oikawa’s hands. This encouraged the larger boy and gently stroked the edge of the blade on Hinata’s skin. The shivering little lamb is quaking in fear until he feels that the Grand King has no intention to harm him. He relaxes his body and lets Oikawa explore the smooth surface. He closed his eyes again in exhaustion but then he squeezed his eyes hard at the sensation of being sliced. Hinata lost consciousness.

Before Hinata knew it, The pain was already gone and what was left was a dull ache of upcoming scar. He woke up cleaned and neatly dried on his bed, traces of their tryst not visible but the ache on his lower body can’t be denied. He looked down and smiled. Touching the tender and still red wound. The name felt unfamiliar to him as he calls the older man differently. Shouyo felt like he was punished thoroughly but he felt guilty for wanting more of it. But then again the Grand King’s whispers lingers inside his head. _Don’t be afraid to want to be punished, little bird. Wanting it would be enough for your punishment._

**Author's Note:**

> See? I don't know what happened and it felt random and out of place.


End file.
